9Lives

I’ve been really trying to find that whole work/play balance lately.  Last weekend I did really well with trying to get all my work done and I made sure I was productive on both days.  This weekend, not so much.  I have so much work to do it is ridiculous and if I don’t utilize my weekends I will most definitly fall behind.  The fact of the matter is, I could technically get it done during the week, however I work really long days, and then I make time for working out after.  When I get home, all I want to do is relax.  This weekend I really took the time to relax let me tell you.  I had a couple of birthdays to celebrate this weekend so as per usual went out both Friday and Saturday night.  I’ve always been really social and it has been hard for me to try and stay in and get my work done when I know there are things going on I would like to be a part of.  I know it is time to buckle down and take all of this seriously, failure is not an option.  But both today and yesterday I was so hung over all I wanted to do was sleep and veg out.  I did go ahead yesterday and planned out my week food wise, went to the food store and I will be able to keep on track on my diet this week, at the very least. By the time I was done with all that, I probably could have gotten some work done but I was so tired from the night before I went ahead and took a nap instead. When I woke up, I had to get ready to go to my friend’s event I had promised I would attend. I stayed out until like 4.30am, which in retrospect was probably unnecessary, and slept until 1pm today. Now here it is, about 4.30pm and I have done NO work what so ever. To be honest, I am so tired and hungover right now I am just not sure I would be doing myself any favors by trying to get anything done right now! I do have some other things I can do just to keep on top of things, cooking for the week, balance my checkbook, but honestly I would like to do some work to lighten the load for the week. I will probably take care of those other things first since to be totally honest I am in no shape to be taking care of business right now. I just wish maybe I had taken it easier on either Friday or Saturday night so I wouldn’t hit Sunday night and have done NO work. I guess the only thing I can do right now is make sure I don’t repeatedly make this mistake. I miss the days when I didn’t get hungover, before I turned 25 I could drink all night and be ok the next day, I never had these problems.  It has just gotten worse since I turned 25 and I guess I just need to get to know my body better and figure out what I am capable of, Sorry about the rant, I just really disappointed myself this weekend. Yes I had fun, but I need to understand what is really important to me right now and make sure I stay on track.

Hey buddies!  Man am I feeling good!  I just weighed myself and realized I have lost 2lbs since my last weigh in!  My last weigh in was pretty aggressive, having gained 4 lbs from the previous weigh in the week before so that was a tough pill to swallow.  I was originally just going to weigh in once a week but I saw a lot of buddies out there weigh in more than that so I figured I would give it a go.  That’s just twice this week, so maybe if I keep seeing those ups and downs it won’t be so bad if I don’t have to wait a full week to see more results. Still on the work out train, only going a couple times a week, but I have been trying to start back up slowly.  I figure working out a couple times a week is better than doing nothing, which is what I was doing previously and let me tell you, it was NOT helping me lose any weight!  I have been swimming lately and really feeling it.  My muscles stay sore for DAYS so I have been waiting for the soreness to go away before working out again. I read somewhere that it is important to make sure the muscles have rest in between work outs, but I am thinking they really only need like 24 hours right?  They have been staying sore for about 48 hours after I swim, maybe that is just because I wasn’t used to working out recently? I’m not really sure but  to be honest, 2 times a week just isn’t cutting it anymore.  Now that I have a taste of what is is like to actually lose weight for once, I want more!  Next week I will hit 3 days of working out, no matter what kind of work schedule I have!

Had a bit of a rough start to the week when I realized I had gained just over 4 pounds from the previous weeks weigh in.  I have been pretty upset about this but got some encouraging notes from my buddies so I kept on track.  Yesterday I went to grab my skinny jeans so I could wear my favorite boots to work and absolutely could not find them.  They seem to have just up and walked away.  So I went back to the store I originally bought them at and asked for my old size 14s.  The sales gal gave me a once over and said I better take the size 12s in just in case.  I didn’t want to get into it about how I THINK I know my own size thank you very much so I just took both pairs of jeans into the dressing room.  While I was in there I figured, no one can see me, maybe I will just try on the smaller size, just to see.  It’s not like I am going to be surprised when the smaller size doesn’t fit, who’s going to know?  Wouldn’t ya know, they totally fit!  Like a glove might I add!  I wore them all day today and was completely comfortable.  None of that pesky digging into my skin feeling or any kind of uncomfort.  To say I had some extra swag in my step would be a drastic understatement.  Here is to small victories buddies!

Well today was my first weigh in since my first week back on track and I have to say I am not too pleased with the results.  I have gained 4.2 pounds since last week.  While I have been working out, and before you say it must be muscle I am gaining not fat, the body fat percentage measurement on my scale also had a little something to say.  Last week I weighed in at 40% body fat and this week 39.8% body fat.  I mean, while that is a VERY small victory, I am not sure losing .2% in body fat equals gaining 4.2lbs!  The scale very clearly reads that I am officially obsese, still, and at 28 years old this should just not be the case!  The scale also measures how much water is in my body and I am not where I should be.  A woman my age should be at 45% body water in order to have a healthy functioning body and I have 43.5% water.  The booklet says I would only be under on my water if my body has too much fat and therefore there isnt enough room for water.  This is absolutly ridiculous!

On the upside, I had a little good news in taking my measurements.  I went down .5 in on my bust, and 2.5 around my hips.  I did however, gain .5 in around my waist.  I am seeing changes in my body sure, but frankly these are not the changes I was hoping for.  Granted I have only been at this a week, but gaining 4lbs when I am eating right and working out?  COME ON!!!! PUH-LEASE tell me there is a light at the end of this long dark tunnel!

After what has felt like FOREVER of sitting around and complaining that I never work out, I have actually been getting up off the couch and doing it!  I have really taken the time to change my eating habits and I feel really confident I am putting the right feul in my body now.  I have learned to curb my late night cravings and I have been keeping really busy and not late night snacking at all.  Really the only piece that was missing in my weight loss process was the working out.  And let’s be honest, if I really wanted to kick start things off, I needed to be working out. I got a new gym membership last week and actually have been using it!  The gym has a pool so I have been swimming laps, trying to get back in work out ready shape.  I am unsure about lifting weights so I figure swimming will give me the all over body workout I am looking for right now.  I will need to get up to the cardio sooner rather than later, and I am thinking once it gets cold out there won’t take too much convincing to get me there rather than being in the pool. It was actually pretty irratating trying to get back in my clothes today and take the train home after swimmimg tonight, espcially knowing I would be traveling with the rush hour crowd. But I will say this, it feels SO good to be back in that pool.  Last week I stuck to the free style, just warming up, trying to get back in my groove. Toward the end of the week I went ahead and tried out some backstroke, which let’s be honest, I was really just trying to get some more air since I was tired from all the freestyle. Today I noticed I was feeling a lot better and starting doing some sets I remembered from my old swimming days. I was really pushing myself and really felt the burn in muscles I hadn’t felt in a loooong time. I was able to work out each stroke and it really felt nice to be back in there. I have to say I really missed being in the pool. And while it feels SO good to get back on the ole horse, I have to say I am starting to worry that swimming might not be as high impact as I need in order to lose weight at the rate I would like. I really want to kick start things and while doing it in the healthiest way possible, and still be able to lose at the maximum amount possible. I guess I just need more information on the most effective work outs for what I am trying to do.  Any suggestions would be much appreciated buddies!

FINALLY went out and bought myself a scale and boy am I glad I did.  Turns out I have gained almost 10 pounds since the last time I weighed in, which frankly I expected.  I knew I had gained some weight but this seems aggressive.  So here we are, back to the grindstone.  I have worked really hard lately on making sure I am eating right so at the very least I have that going for me.  I think my problem was really the break up.  I completely stopped working out, started eating total crap and started smoking cigarettes again.  Well I have made some serious moves to changes those behaviors and I am hopeful I will be able to drop back down to a decent size sooner rather than later.  When I think about all the hard work I put in to lose that weight originally, it really pisses me off to think how easy it was to put that weight back on. I went ahead and got all my paperwork filled out today and picked up my pass for the gym.  They werent able to check me in yet since the computer was down but I am sure I will be able to get in there sooner or later.  The scale I bought also tells you how much body fat percentage you have, and I have a whopping 40%. This means I am literally half fat. I gotta say, I never thought I looked like I was half fat, but according to this scale I am officially obese. What a wake up call. In my overly verbal life, I have literally reached a point at which I am speechless.

Today I had my big interview and I got the job!  I am SO exicted!  Finally I have accomplished something worthwhile that I can be proud of and actually do a good job with. So I got that going for me.

I did notice today that the pants I was wearing were tighter than I remembered.  I just bought them in July at which time they fit perfectly, hadn’t worn them yet outside of the mall, and today they were pretty tight.  I need to get on the work out train and STAT.  I did actually fill out the membership form for the gym today.  I get a free membership with this job so right after the interview I marched right over to the gym and grabbed the form.  I have to head over there tomorrow to get some IT issues taken care of and grab my badge so I am hopeful I will be able to have my first work out tomorrow!  It looks like there are lots of classes at this gym as well as a pool so I am going to see how my work schedule will work around some of these classes and see what I can get in. I have been eating really well lately so really the only piece missing is the exercise piece.  And I mean really, if I want to kick start my weight loss, isn’t it all about working out anyway?  Now I just need to get some work done tonight so I won’t feel bad about taking the time in the gym tomorrow and get myself prepared for the week ahead.

My mind is absolutly racing right now.  I am sure part of this has to do with me quitting smoking today.  Interviewing at an Oncology department was motivation enough for that particular gem.  The truth is I love smoking but I hate all the side effects.  My skin breaks out, I can’t breathe particularly well, working out becomes impossible, not to mention I can’t STAND the smell of smoke.  So even though recent life stresses had brought me to the decision to start smoking again, I am not going to beat myself up for my recent lapse in judgement.  I am going to deal with these withdrawal symptoms, which trust me at the PITTS and just keep on the non smoking train.  I know it isn’t good for me and I refuse to hurt myself anymore.

I was productive today in that I was able to spend some time with some girlfriends, get some work done and cook a healthy dinner for myself which should last through the week.  I have really committed to eating healthily lately and I think it has become habit.  No sweets, very few carbs, lots and lots of greens and veggies.  I have been planning ahead as far as meals go and I really think that tends to be the secret to my success.  If I find myself without available food in the house, I will microwave a meal, or make something quick and easy, ie carb related.  Well this week my meals are all planned out and I should be good to go.  The one piece of the puzzle I have yet to solve is why I am still not working out.  Tomorrow after my interview I think I will stop by the gym and sign up.  I hear they have a pool and while it has been awhile since I have been in the water, I am really looking forward to getting back there.  I think it will be just the cardio I need to help me lose some of this weight.  I tend to hate cardio, getting on the treadmill or what have you.  I have always loved swimming though, and while I won’t be swimming 6 hours a day as I did in my youth, I think even 20 minutes a day will make some kind of difference. My other assignment for tomorrow is to buy a digital scale.  I have yet to do that so I haven’t even had a weigh in since I have been back on buddy slim.  I know this is imperitive to track my progress and should not be putting this off for another day.

Tomorrow is the big interview and I am slightly nervous.  I really feel like this is an internship that will both be good for me and one in which I can really make a difference.  I am also nervous because even though I was able to get a lot of work done today, I still have more to do to be prepared for this week.  Luckily, nothing is officially due until Wednesday so I do have some time to get things done.  Working on my weight loss has certainly helped me along with my will power, so I am hopeful I will have learned a few things about staying on track.  That said, I am going to wrap this up.  Think good thoughts for me for my interview tomorrow morning, as for tonight, I am going to finish up some work, and get myself preped and ready for tomorrow.  I need to ace this interview, and make sure I stay on track to have a successful future.

What a whirlwind this week has been!  I am finally embarking on something new, something really good for myself and what’s even better than that is I truely enjoy it!  I have an interview next week on Monday to work in an Oncology unit at a local hospital and I could not be more excited.  Yes I know this seems like it will be so hard, but to be able to make a difference in peoples lives, what an opportunity!  I have been preparing for the interview this week, trying to learn as much about cancer as I can and what I can do to help the suffers and their families.  I am so hopeful this will work out.  I feel like I have been too focused on myself in a woe is me kind of way.  Yes I broke up with my boyfriend, yes he had this horrid addiction no one thought to tell me about, and yes I had to find out from my credit card company because he was stealing from me, but I did the right thing by ending it with him.  The right thing for me, and for him.  We can both move on and deal with our own individual issues and be better people for the next person that comes along.

I fell into old habits over the past month as I have been dealing with this nightmare and I have to say I have not been proud of my behavior.  Drinking alone on weeknights, avoiding work I should be doing, smoking cigarrettes, not working out, and eating like a pig.  Well I have turned over a new leaf fellow buddy slimmers, and to be honest it was this site that helped me.  I have used this site before to get healthy and lose weight and have found this place to have the absolute most support.  I made a commitment to myself to get on the right track and to start that by getting my weight under control.  Since I came back on buddyslim I have been eating right.  I am happy to say I have been following my regimine and have done a pretty bang up job.  I have focused on myself and have just been a lot happier for it.  The late night snacking hasn ‘t been much of a problem and I have been keeping my meals balanced and healthy.  Then to top it all off, today I found out that with this new job comes a free gym membership just across the street at a pretty swanky gym.  No more staring at the dusty old treadmill in the corner, I am going to get myself up and moving! Tonight I am going to celebrate with a few girlfriends but tomorrow it is back on the research bandwagon.  The best part of that statement is when I write it, not only do I believe I will get this work done, but I KNOW it.   What a difference a month can make.

My days this week have definitely been a work in progress.  I rededicated to my weight loss plan this week after realizing how much weight I have put on lately and am noticing some interesting challenges.  By interesting I mean not necessarily the challenges I had anticipated.  I assumed I would be craving carbs, sweets, and would be eating myself out of house and home come late night as per usual.  These have not been my problems.  I have been able to keep my meals relatively healthy, making an effort to stick to protein and greens.  I have been working A LOT these past few days which I suppose is distracting me from snacking throughout the day.  However, I did end up eating a pear at 11.30pm last night.  Not a horrible food choice obviously, but 11.30pm?  Def should not be eating at that time, no matter what. Tonight I plan to avoid that little trap by going to bed early, which is most likely for the best considering I will need to be up and at ‘em at 6.30am tomorrow.

I have also noticed I have a raging desire to drink, which is actually pretty unsual for me.  I usually just drink on the weekends, socially, with friends, or have a glass of wine when out to dinner.  I have NEVER been one to drink when I am just sitting at home by myself.  I don’t know if this new desire has to do with my recent break up and trying to numb those sad gal feelings, or if it has to do with trying to quell my anxiety due to this new project I am undertaking, but I know it is definitely not good for me, or for  my weight loss.  Previously , (ie the past couple of weeks) I was giving in, having some wine, or beer at the end of the day, but this week I have been opting for tea instead.  To say my anxiety has increased this week would be an understatment.  I have a huge meeting tomorrow morning to kick off my new project and all I want to do right now is open a bottle of wine,  lay back, and relax.  Due to the early morning and work I still need to do to prepare, this would of course be a bad idea.  Not to mention, it worries me that I am having this strong of a desire to drink.  Hopefully I can power through tonight, get my work done, and avoid any and all alcohol.